Fear and Loneliness

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6

     A friend sent this Bible verse to me today.  What a great verse to read after the time I have been having.  Of course being the person that I am I of course thought about it some read some text messages and thought about what most of my friends are really afraid of and then that lead me to what really we all must be afraid of: loneliness.

     What do you do to fend your lonely feelings off?  Call a friend?  Text a love that you know you screwed up with and hope they forgive you?  Spend time with someone you know you will never care for just to have your mind occupied or may your bed?

     Who knows what the best answer is for this.  I for one have too much pride, but there are times I will swallow it for someone I feel I really screwed up with.  I will text and email and then give up because I refuse to beg.  I assume if you have to beg they really do not want you anyway. 

     Will I spend time with someone I do not think I can care for?  Once maybe twice, but after that no.  There is no point in wasting their time or mine.  I may never find the person that makes my heart sing, but why settle for the one who doesn’t give you butterflies?  Is loneliness that horrible?  Somedays I know it is unbearable.  You wanna come home and feel safe and get to share your day, your thoughts, yourself and the only person there to listen is well no one. 

     Sharing my bed with someone……hmmm….well I am no saint.  I have shared my bed with others that who knows if I would have ever cared for.  That was a long time ago though when I was young and trying to figure out sex after my husband had left me.  Then one day I realized that sex with someone you don’t love is just that sex and for a woman who is not enough.  Maybe you will get off and get the ah feeling for a minute more than likely not.  It is nothing like having someone look in your eyes the entire time and the moment it feels like your two bodies become one. 

     So our fears with loneliness are like this to me and for those of you that care to read maybe some answers for you………settling because you are afraid you will not meet someone who feels your every want is lazy.  You never know who the person is gong to be that makes your heart sing.  You have to keep an open mind and an open heart.  The person that feels your life with joy may be the opposite of what you wanted, but exactly what you needed.  Take the time you have to get to know yourself, do things that you love or figure out what you love, and enjoy your friends.  Embrace the lonely times and seek out God or whatever you believe in.  Trust me in times of need I am on my knees, but I wish I was on my knees getting to know my creator more often in those small times of need when I let my heart feel pain and why not me.

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